today was a real crazy day for me. was in the library doing the OB project, only to realise that i get stuck easily while trying to develop the points for the topics given, and when i look over to crystal's laptop, trying to see why she was so serious looking at the computer and tying so much, SHE IS PLAYING TYPING MANIAC ON FACEBOOK!! okay, we are the slackers of the group. - sorry peiting -
but well, i managed to develop some points and got stuck in the dead end so i switched to Restaurant City and start to stare at my avatars. there was so many tankers and military vehicles in campus and there was so much noise that it penetrates through the windows of the library. i wonder if the windows are soundproof..
okay, and soon, peiting, liling and huixin left for lunch while crystal and i remain in the library. and turn on the Crazy switch on me. ( there are some funny and stupid video of things crystal and i did but she have yet to send them to me. )
something to end the day, i am ugly, i know.. (:
11:16:00 PM
woken up by messages that the Intro to H&T makeup tutorial class was cancelled, and since OB lecture is off, BCS lab lesson is cancelled, there would only be Comm Skill's from 4pm to 6pm later. i am just wondering, where had all the tutors and lecturers gone to?
so i am rotting around and going to get change in a few minutes time to go to school for project meetings, again..
oh anyway, i got back my Econ's paper yesterday and was still preparing myself if i got a failure. and when the tutor was holding to my paper, he was taking so long to read out my name, so when he finally called me and tell me about those mistakes that i done, i saw that i passed. scoring 75 / 100 what a surprise! but this isn't the final one though, there is still group projects and the final term exams to be counted in too.
but well, i sense my luck changing now. mum came in to my room and left $100 on my table as early as 5plus in the morning, i know that because she didn't close my door tightly after that and she was quarreling with my dad? erm, if you are so unwilling about giving me the money or anything, i think you can save it because i made it through 3weeks and 3days without allowances from you. and i am still surviving.
okay, i guess i better stop here now before anyone say that i am being unfillial, ungreatful, whatever.
bye
10:56:00 AM
Sunday, June 28, 2009
satisfy my wants and needs.
5:33:00 PM
lets post something cheerful today. (:
went to the National Library at Victoria Streets and that place was really crowded. did only 1/4 of the Intro to H&T project and was chased away by the security guard saying that we are not supposed to be sitting there as the plugs are for cleaner uses. and so, we left for Suntec City, since it is within walking distance. i was madly craving for some blended coffee, so Liling brought us to McCafe and i had my Mocha Frappe. but there wasn't much satisfaction gained from it. i guess i shall get another one from other cafes, though i am getting super broke, cravings have to be fulfilled first. :D
seriously, i was totally lost when i am asked to do editing to the project because i don't really know what is going on and everything are taken over by my other group mates. i am so irresponsible right? i know, and i am sincerely guilty for it all. ): i shall give my leader's position to Peiting since she is doing so much for the group.
left Marina Square to Dhoby Ghaut to meet Tony because he wanted to watch Transformers, but everywhere we go, the movie is fully booked or that time timing is too late so we didn't get to watch any movie but roamed the streets of Orchad and finally settled our late dinner at Hongkong Cafe. Was at Han's previously, but the picture of the food in the menu made me so sleepy and lose appetite so we left and walked from FEP back to Cineleisure. sort of chatted (which consist of my talkings all the time), ate like near one hour plus cause we were eating very slowly, took a walk and then took the train back to our own home.
some pictures of the day (:
Crystal is so cute and she is simply irresistable! CRYSTAAALLLL~~
1:19:00 AM
Friday, June 26, 2009
viewed some videos which people took of themselves playing songs through the guitar and uploaded to Youtube. my jaws dropped seeing them play so well while my guitar is hidden in the cupboard since my O levels started. and it is getting mouldy already. i miss those days when i would go for lessons and learn a new piece or two with the class. sad case.
TODAY!
i woke up late [sorta on purpose] and skipped RHT lecture, as usual. went to look for Crystal and the rest at the library and Mandy came shortly. printed my application forms for CYA and also some part time job training thing in school, submitted then accompanied Mandy to find our CP to talk about her withdrawal from school. -discussed details shall not be enclosed, it is up to Mandy to explain.- thereafter, we had a short chat around and soon after that, she left to meet her friends.
i feel so irresponsible by letting the rest of my various project groupmates do my part of the project, i guess my peer evaluation would be damn bad. well, if that is so, i have no choice but to really buck up now and study real hard for the final paper so that if my peer evaluation is really very bad and my points are to get deducted, i can still manage to get a Pass and go on to the next semester.. however, i am really worried about myself, i don't even seem to have the slightest bit of motivation in me to study. someone please wake me up!
and yes, it is spreading around the net, facebook, MSN, google, EVERYWHERE.. the King of Pop had left us.
though i never liked you due to those news and bad rumours about you in the past, but i am starting to like your song, You Rock My World. i believe no matter what, every mistakes would be forgiven and forgotten.
Rest in peace Michael Jackson.
my feelings are suppressed.
10:29:00 PM
Thursday, June 25, 2009
ok, i realise that would be super long-winded and hard to read in my tagboard so i decided to type it in here..
Angela and Joycelyn.. it is spelled as smudging anyway. 8)
in reply to the both of you
i don't like friends to be crying with me, cause i will feel bad seeing them sad over me. and i just think that it isn't good to disturb you when you are busy. well, that is me though. i don't like to imply too much on my friends, i know you care and all.
thanks for being there for me all the time, but sometimes i think others have their own problem to cope too, so it isn't nice to add on yours to them. everyone needs a breather. plus, i think the reason to the start of this misunderstanding is really stupid and others might think, why i just can't give in? all this pain are solely my own problems and everything, i am just gaining sympathy. i wanted so much to give in, but my mum just don't even look at me. so how do i make the approach? do you think that i really like having a cold war with my mum? it hurts me so much to even ask myself "When and in what kind of situation then we will reconcile?". so i had no choice but to stand strong take what is happening to myself, bear the consequences and live on with life as it is. though it is tough, but i believe when i look back in the future, it might be a good memory. who knows? life is not beating me down, so don't worry. i am standing strong! i am sensing some hope in my life now, and though it is so minimal, but it is good enough for me. i can withstand the hunger with all my fats everywhere, they are so much to burn away, so don't worry, i won't die from hunger or cold. :D i am really glad to have friends like you around. my sincere apologise for those worries that i had caused you.
THANK YOU DARLINGS!!
11:51:00 PM
Firstly, this post is going to be super wordy, so you can just go on and hop to another blog if you don't like reading.
Secondly, friends who can't accept changes in others, please just read the PURPLE paragraph right at the bottom.
Lastly, friends who are concerned and sort of worried about me all this while, please do read the GREEN paragraph too..
thank you.
sometimes, we should actually trust those "superstitious" zodiac readings and everything.. i was trying to check the date on the calendar around the house and happen to flip to a page where it says about the love, career, wealth and health of people born in the year of Goat. it shows that the Goat will face wealth situations during the period of June but things will start to change in July onwards.
well, look at me. my luck was so bad like nobody's business during June, but now, i sense changes already. i fought my way through, and finally, i caught the slightest glimpse of light. though my mum haven't talk to me for coming 3weeks and my savings are drying up, i am jobless.. i never gave up.. i told myself that i have to stand strong no matter what,
i went job hunting through the net, approached the careperson for help because i know that i cannot just rely on financial schemes all the time as sometimes, i would sort of misuse the funds for something else which may be deem as misusing it. i don't know how to put it, but i spoke to Mr Tan this afternoon and he shared with me that some students applied for the financial scheme and then use the funds to buy a new gadget.. well, the last time i got mine, i went for Swensen's. but i swear, that was part of my project and i did use it to buy the concession for school and save up the rest.. i never misuse it!
ok, i have been selected to work as a waitress at some restaurant or something during the F1 event but the weird thing is, we have to pay $5 for the training? and another email from the school about working in the school. so yes, my luck is changing for the better. and i hope it isn't like some roller coaster which goes damn high after some low turns then plunge damn badly. i would just totally break down like madness.
during the period of 'down-ness' or maybe depression period, i cried suddely after using the computer, my sleep time changed and i became a nocturnal animal. many times, i wanted to smoke, i stole 2 cigs from my dad, smoked one and had another one still in my bag, a little squashed.
but i guess i could only totally get out of this depression zone when everything starts to have significant change. nevertheless, i will still be displaying a cheerful front. :)
once again, i sincerely apologise to friends who really care about me and had always been there whenever i need help that this time, i didn't tell you my problems this time round but just bury myself in the darkest corner. but i think sometimes people just need to be alone to think through their own problems and eventually learn from it, get stronger. i won't resort to any suicidal thoughts, because i am scared of the pain and death, so don't worry. however, i would just have a period of time when i am behaving totally not like me.
so friends, this is Kamy, everchanging.. if you think that this kind of friend isn't your type or anything, i won't mind if you leave. because in life, there are many things that are unexpected it would cause people to change. whatever your decision, that is up to you because, this is me, accept me for who i am. (:
thanks and goodnight.
11:11:00 PM
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
why is the time passing so slowly?.. i spent almost an hour or so looking for new blogskin but was in vain. irritating.. went to Great World City's GV to apply for a job, but the manager told me that they would call me up another day for interview. well, hopefully the manager does call me back though. otherwise the freaking-cold-an-hour-sharp bus trip there will be totally wasted.
i am now: - penniless [ and in debt with loan from Joycelyn] - jobless [ because i can't manage to find any job that fits my time ] - lifeless [ piling up with projects and coping with schoolwork ] - hopeless [ i dare not even think of what would happen tomorrow ]
i totally hate this kind of life.
i just hope to have someone beside me right now to encourage me, comfort me, cuddle me, give me the sense of security, and to show me some love..
that is all that i lack now..
whatever.. no one cares
9:50:00 PM
Monday, June 22, 2009
what am i doing here at this hour? ok, the fact is, i didn't sleep a wink since the previous post.. i guess the caffeine in me didn't went of since yesterday afternoon. though my mine is awake, my body isn't working in coordination.. i can't even type properly.. i think my body function is going haywire already.
whatever..
5:45:00 AM
term break ends, school in a few hours time. i just cannot imagine going to class without Mandy Teo beside me. makes me feel so lonely. :( but well, life still has to go on though i miss her like crazy.
had a fun evening yesterday with Shirley and the rest. thanks for the Sakae treat by Roseline. and when i was on my way home, there was this sicko sitting in front of me looking at pornographic pictures on his laptop! behind me were all ah mas, so they can't see due to bad eye-sights. i am SO OFFENDED!!
well, it is perfectly alright to watch porn, cause everyone have different ways to fulfill their desire. but can you do it at home instead of out in the public like that?! hell you go, old man..
goodnight people
1:42:00 AM
Saturday, June 20, 2009
i dread all these feelings. i dread thinking about what is coming up next. i dread thinking about my unsettled bills. i dread thinking about my expenses after school reopens. i dread thinking about how my savings are drying up. i dread wiping the tears that flows down my face. i dread the tightness in my chest when thinking through all these things. i dread telling people about my problems. i dread people sympathising me. i dread making people worried for me. i dread feeling lost. and the thing i dread the most now is... myself.
11:33:00 PM
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
was doing my BCS project just now. but i just couldn't concentrate on it, i guess i am not interested in that subject anymore.
anyway, i finally bought my Audio Technica Onto headphones!! got it from Tampines 1, Urban Write at $38 was pondering over which colour to get.. if only the red covered one is brown padded. but well, i bought the beige one. should spare some love for other colours. ______________________________________
*the star is drawn on my face directly..
i personally like this picture. :)
to me, the sound playback isn't that up to what i have expected though, but nevermind, i have it now. :) _________________________________________
planned with Jasmine to go to Sentosa tomorrow, or rather, later this afternoon. and also some other days to get a backpack together, but hey let me get my pay first can? at this rate of spending money especially without a single cent from my parents now is really burning a hole in my wallet already. SO PEOPLE! IF YOU HAVE ANY WEEKEND JOBS, PLEASE CALL ME!!
gotta sleep soon, goodnight earthlings!
1:27:00 AM
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
my life, had undergone so much changes and it became so hard for me to breathe.. my heart, had been drained of love. my mind, had been filled up with sorrows. my lungs, had been filled up with poisons.
i sense the change in myself, i had grew to become ignorant to people around me, things that are happening in my life. i have became such a bitchy person.
but who cares? who knows? who will be there?
8:26:00 PM
Saturday, June 13, 2009
back from work at the IT fair, sales was bad, very very competitive.. many annoying customers just came and throw you with tons of questions and left. but well, at least i still manage to close 2 sales.
and i don't know why, i just want to say..
Mandy Teo, i miss you.
i really miss those times when we fill one another in about things that happened around us. please meet up soon buddy.
____________________________________________
we have not been on talking term for officially one week. just a simple chocolate can cause our relationship to be like this.. you say that i look down on you, just because you level of education is low and your job is low classed.. you put all your words into my mouth, and left me totally speechless..
you even treated me like some tenant, i do my own laundry, i take care of my own meals, i only stay in my own room when i am at home. no one knows about my whereabout. and i i thought i can spend more time with you since it is my term break. but it turned out so differently from what i have expected.. why are things like that? why are you turning to a total stranger to me now? why is it that whenever you talk to me, we will start quarelling? why do you like to compare me to my friends? i just don't understand..
but if that is your choice, then i really have no other comments, i will just take that i am living all alone here, without any family members, i will learn to be independent, earn my allowance on my own, making all my available free time occupied so that i won't be able to thing of what it is like in a place i name home, and the treatment i get from someone i call mother.
family... can someone give me the best definition? -sighs-
went to the IT fair today, hoping to find my Audio Technica Onto headphone, but all was in vain. yeemay gave up her weekend's slot for me because she cannot take the working environment. and so, i've got things to do during my weekends instead of rotting at home.
people having intentions to buy laptop, buzz me! but only during saturday and sunday, and the brand is Acer. (:
projectS' deadline are drawing near, but i am just not in the mood to do it. i think i am gonna fail this semester.
you won't be seeing kamy in TP anymore. nice huh?
byebye readers.
9:40:00 PM
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
私は最終的には答えが見つからない
11:22:00 PM
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
WOW! super bloated after the steamboat with Alicia, sister and sister's friend. and still feeling so even when i reached home, so i was standing up editing the photos and till my tummy feels better.
while i was editing the photo, Terry came and talk to me on msn, commenting on my display picture.
click for a clearer view. :)
ok, back to steamboat.. let some pictures do the talking firsts.
i guess it is suppose to be some wireless modem, but the antenna is really eye-catching
sorry, i tried using photoscape to put the photos together, but it became still picture when it was uploaded here. crap
egg cracking time! -sister looks real guniang in these pics! :X -
step 1
step 2
step 3
and alicia's turn!
are those eyes suppose to be killer like, or electrifying? enlighten me, sister.. (:
chef of the day
we were all so, undescribably, BLOATED! but there were still some food left, so sister and his friend decided to play the number guessing game and the one who got the number will eat up the selected portion of food.
and i was so "lucky" the last time when sister's friend said "we be more extra la, complete the corner corner number.. then like take very long to finish guessing the word." we go from 1 to 80.. sister chose 2, then when i said 79, I LOST! ohmygod. i was so bloated that i felt so dizzy.
walked around the closing Suntec City Mall, then went to StarBucks for some drink. sister's friend offered to send me home, the cab ride was fast, reached home by 11.20pm, with a bulging tummy. :D
that's all for today. gotta carry my bulgy tummy to bed now. BYE PEEPO!
1:00:00 AM
Sunday, June 7, 2009
sorry for the super late posting.
was editing the photos, and i chosen those which i think are better to be posted.
however, different people have different perceptions. :)
FRIDAY, 5TH JUNE 2009
woke up at 7am with a perfectly clear mind to mug for RHT.
this time, the ideas really did went in a little, so i left for school feeling contented. :)
our class were split up into different rooms for the test,
and you can simply feel how panic some of them were.
some continue memorising their notes, some starring into blank,
some chatting around, some walk around.
one is observing people's actions, and that is me..
10mins before the paper starts, we are allowed to read through the paper,
i notice the boy beside me was looking so blank, and starring at the questions as though it was something alien. weird..
the paper was easy, i wanted to stay for the full 1hour,
but it was just too boring and almost 1/4 of the class left.that boy's paper was still blank. god bless you.
went to collect the CCN fund from the finance department,
and my crave for ice cream just came so suddenly.
so i messaged Farhana if she wants to go Swensen's with me.
her reply only came when i am at home, washing up my bowl.
but still, i had made my promise of treating her ice cream, so i met up with her :)
we chatted for more than 20mins or so until the manager came over to ask if we were ready to place our order.
sorry if we looked like some buggers who come into the restaurant to occupy space.
took quite a number of pictures and Farhana went gaga over the Transform function of my camera, because it stretch the image and makes you look slimmer.
Oh please, my dear Farhana, you are not fat.. for heaven's sake..
and so, we enjoyed the scumptious food and ice cream, occupying the seats for more than an hour. WOW!
went over to the park beside compassvale primary school to play a little while,
get rid of our adrenaline rush, and home sweet home. (:
*google chrome and internet explorer uploads the picture so slowly..*
pose copying time. XD
things we did to stay in the restaurant for more than 1hour..
**not the end yet. shall upload more tomorrow. sorry if i am taking too long
11:34:00 PM
Thursday, June 4, 2009
i am so gonna crash RHT tomorrow with a ZERO for the paper. believe it or not..
i had been writing notes from the book, weird huh? but i just can't read from the slides in there. since 12noon, till now. nothing gone into my head. too intensive form of studying? probably.
so i think i'd better catch some sleep now and wake up earlier tomorrow with a fresher mind to mug till my brain burst. to at least get a pass. -fingers crossed-
and i am totally saddened. i got another extra centimetre of fats around my tummy already. OHMYGOD! gotta do sit ups, walk around the house and go to sleep.
sorry for the lame post, it is a result of over-mugging. bye people.
10:58:00 PM
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
wasted half my day away from sleeping in till 12.17pm today. WOOHOO! went to hougang mall to get some stationeries and came back home to study RHT. but after finish reading the first chapter, i got so bored out and just rotted my time away. i feel very bad and guilty doing so though. but i just couldn't study!
and so, i thought about my friends. i realise i somehow 'lost' some of my friends who have different religious beliefs as me. well, basically Christian. i am not trying to pass any critical remarks to Christians or anything, but to what i realise, the situation seems the same.
out of 3 friends, 2 often ask me to go for church services, however, i rejected because i really got other things on, and thereafter, they either give me a cold shoulder or they just cut off any contact with me.
the other one, always persuading me to enter Christ, but i have my reasons. my parents are die-hard Buddhist, they allow me to go for any gatherings, outing and camps from the church, but they would never allow me to enter Christ. this friend, after asking several times, gave me a cold shoulder too. and eventually, we didn't contact anymore. the reluctancy in replying of messages is so obvious that there is no interest in talking to me anymore.
religious beliefs, does it really tear people apart when people don't believe in the same thing?
was talking to Vinson, got contact with only recently after a decade. amazing~ and memories about my naughty-school-girl days came back! i really cannot imagine how bad i was in the past which leads to me having no friends in my primary school YEARS! can you imagine that?! 4years in school, loathed by the whole class. D:
i am really missing many people now..
friends from Yangzheng Primary (i know i don't have many friends, and it had been a decade ago, i still miss them.)
Punggol Secondary
those crazy girlfriends from CDAC
my 'family' from McDonald's (been reeeeally long since i last saw any of you.)
LET'S MEET UP SOON PLEASE! I REALLY MISS ALL OF YOU SO MUCH! WE HAD ALL BEEN SO DAMN COOPED UP WITH SCHOOL WORKS AND PROJECTS TO EVEN HAVE TIME TO MEET. BUT HOLIDAY IS HERE NOW! no more excuses. [:
&& my hands are really itching from pool! date me out for pool please, otherwise my hands are gonna rot from itching. OHMYGOD. but i have to make this clear first, i am rather noob at pool. -smirks-
alright people, goodnight and may my missings be with you. [:
10:42:00 PM
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
i was still gawking to crystal, liling and peiting at the table outside the lecture hall when they are still mugging for MicroEcons, " A LIAO A LIAO~ LET'S GO.."
but then, when i do the paper, i am stucked and i am crashing Econs. thoroughly..
for the first 30minutes, i was still slacking and doing the first structure questions. until Mandy left, and winked at me, then i 'woke up' and rush the other questions. but... the ideas don't flow that well, questions are answered halfway. i am STUCKED! D:
whatever it is, the paper is already over. :)
went to the student lounge with the girls, hoping that it is opened for pool, and yes, ALL the tables are available, to stare at only.. cause the lounge is closed, but opened for TPSU interview. so crystal and i filled up the form and waited to be interviewed. i peeped at her paper and saw her wrote "I'm a quiet person.. etc.." then i looked at mine and laughed, cause i wrote "I'm enthusiastic.. etc.." people from the "different world" sitting together. HAHA!!
then..... the secretary or something, interviewed us. and he said "Don't be shy, just tell me more about yourself." Crystal did, and she said "I am a quiet person.. ", so i just added "Yea, and it is funny cause i am talkative and whenever i talk, people just laugh, (pointing to Crystal) there..."
after that, there was silence. the secretary then asked "Any questions?", so i asked about the programmer's thing.. another silence.. then he asked again "Erm, so... Any other questions?" i was like looking at him, and then realise he was turning red, from his face, to ears, to his neck! -crazy fellow-
i shook my head, and we left the interview room..
when we were out of the lounge, i asked crystal if she realise that shawn was blushing, she thought that he sun burnt, but when i told her that he wasn't so red at the start, we laughed. THERE IS NO SUN IN THE ROOM~ and he got 'sun burnt'. it infers that....
WE ARE THE SUN -clapping-
the girl beside me now even went to tag in his blog. i bet he would be like a roasted pig when he see that tag. XD will update again if he does replies to that tag!
BYE!
3:37:00 PM
Monday, June 1, 2009
FIRST POST OF THE MONTH OF JUNE!!
friends who have read my previous of the previous posts, thanks for your concerns, but i am fine now. serious. (: so don't worry so much about me, instead, contact me on my phone people! i miss you all you know.. TAKE CARE!
_____________________________________________
stared at my MicroEconmics book for like, an hour or so, looking at the contents, reading the things, but nothing go into my head. OHMYGOD! i guess i must have overloaded my brain memory with OB already.
talking about OB, had the test today and i realise most of the MCQ questions are giving away marks, well, do hope i get those questions correct or the marker is bound to be cursing me his/her head off.
so yea, that is all for today! i just love my readers so much, because most of them are friends who care for me so much! :D
i think you shouldn't be trying to know so much of my life, but to go ahead with yours, there is really no point hanging on like this, hoping that i would turn back, back into your arms. why beg for a second chance to be hurt thoroughly again, knowing that there will be no happy ending for the both of us? why can't you just move on and OUT of this agony? just try, and one day, you will. no matter how painful the process is now. good luck.
10:50:00 PM
my previous skin was having this stupid Italic thing in my left column, so i changed to this current one.
like it a bit, but hope to create one of my very own and not grabbing from blogskin. hanyang even told me his friend is using the same skin as my current one. but well, i doubt there is any chance his friend is coming to my blog, so doesn't matter either :D
